Saturday, April 22, 2006

Explaining judas

Dear Sage, I saw the Nat Geo special on this subject last night. It was obviously a spoof written by wisecracks more than a millenia ago. I think it proves one thing: There are people back in the 2nd century who could've been great scriptwriters of "South Park" and "Saturday Night Live" had they lived in the 20th and 21st centuries.

I can imagine second century christians shaking their heads and smiling as they read those manuscripts the way we laugh at Michael V.'s corniness.

It actually reminded me of this medical advice spoof. Just like the judas "Gospel" no one would take this one seriously too. But I couldn't stop laughing when I first read it.

Medical advice
>>
>> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this
>>true?
>>
>>A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
>>waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
>>your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
>>extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer?
>>Take a nap.
>>
>>Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
>>
>> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
>>and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
>>than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
>>Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
>>(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
>>recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
>>
>>Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
>>
>> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine,
>>that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
>>more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms
>>up!
>>
>>Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
>>
>> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
>>one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
>>
>>Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
>>exercise program?
>>
>> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
>>Pain...Good!
>>
>>Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
>>
>> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable
>>oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables
>>be bad for you?
>>
>>Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
>>middle?
>>
>> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
>>should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>>
>>Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
>>
>>A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
>>best feel-good food around!
>>
>>Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
>>
>> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>>
>>Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
>>
>> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
>>
>>Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
>>about food and diets.

4 comments:

bingskee said...

ha ha exact presentation of the Judas gospel - like manipulating the right with false explanations.

TK said...

like listening to Rumsfeld and those neoCON artists.

Toe said...

You're right! The Judas codex may be authentic but it is not necessarily true. I don't think God would have allowed it to be not included in the Bible if it were. Hi btw. I found your blog through Niceheart. :)

CL said...

Nature's way of cleaning the gene pool to perfection.

Letters to my kids about their childhood adventures



To Sage, Sabe, Sade & 3Stan

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