Eleven years. You've been gone that long. A lot has happened since eleven years ago.
I'm sure your smile crosses your beautiful face when you look down from heaven whenever you see Sage, Sabine and Sadie. I bet you already know if the fourth child is a Boy, huh?
We've had difficult years after you were gone. But things are looking better. These days, I smile a lot more than I used to. When life starts sparring with me, I'm beginning to learn to laugh even while taking it in the chin or gut.
I feel stronger, both physically and mentally. I can do things that I couldn't do before while you were here: I've learned to communicate to a large audience using the media you helped Dad build. I write better and comprehend what I read faster than before. I've begun serving private patients, but unlike Ayheen (Who is a much gifted MD) I've also entered public service (but not as a politico, thank God). I can even do push-ups with Sabine and Sadie at my back (I can only do 20 with Sage).
I still want to be a better person. My anger and rage, I still try to keep them in check.
I still wrestle with my inner demons. But these days, thanks to Ayheen, I feel the sweetest joys. I also bleed from the deepest pains.
Most days, the joys outweigh the pain...
But not Today. Not this morning.
July 29, 2008.